While I have been gleefully packing away all my worldly belongings to head off to college in less than two weeks, Kate has been tearfully writing nostalgic notes on my Facebook wall. I am convinced that she and Mary still think of me as a fat toddler, stumbling around on jiggly little stumps in a romper. If I had a picture of myself as a baby, I would post it here to prove that I was exactly that……..18 years ago.
Anyway, as I was sorting through things to pack up, I came across this little bit of satire I wrote for an English class assignment junior year. This is prime example of why I will not miss Cashton high school one bit. Enjoy!
Dress Code Justice
For years girls with small chests have been eclipsed by those who are more endowed. Year after year, they have stood by at school dances, dateless on the side of the dance floor as their counterparts have swished around the room in the arms of the football team. Not so any longer at Cashton high school! Here, the flat-chested girl enjoys a freedom not shared by girls who actually have chests. The dress code here is flexible and accommodating.
Currently, the dress code states that no person is allowed to wear a shirt that has a neckline dipping lower than a person’s clavicle, or, at most, two finger-width’s below that. This rule, though, is only applicable to those poor girls who actually have cleavage. The administration has ever-so-helpfully banded together against such girls, and several teachers have been seen patrolling the halls, hot on the trail of any offenders. They are very effective in finding and rooting out such outlaws judging from the sullen faces of convicted girls, marching stubbornly down to the office to change into a more school appropriate garment. The flat-chested girls just smile and give a wave, sporting low V-neck sweaters and low-cut tees, all a relished 6 inches below the clavicle.
But wait, there is more to this dress code than just the necklines of upper-body garments. In an exhausting bit of research, after trolling tirelessly through the dead boring student handbook, a new rule, never before enforced, has been found! Apparently, there is a rule about the length of skirts and dresses worn to school. The hemline of such a garment should not be more than a hand-width above the knee, Students and staff alike disavow any knowledge of this rule, and the vast quantity of denim miniskirts that appear like a plague in early spring only serves to exemplify this ignorance.
It was quite interesting to note that although there is a rule about the length of skirts and dresses worn to school, there seems to be no record at all of a rule, enforced or not, about the length of shorts worn to school. I should think that there would be room enough in this elastic dress code to add a clause that limits the length of them as well. After surveying many students from Cashton high school, it was decided that shorts should be, at a minimum, 3 inches in length from the waist to wherever that would land on one’s upper, upper thigh. Some students thought that this would be a bit extreme and cut out half of their supply of shorts, but the majority insisted on the decency of 3 inches.
High school dress codes have always been the bane of teenage girls’ existence and will most likely continue to be so in most schools. Fortunately, there are progressive schools like Cashton high, in which the student body and the administration work together peacefully to create a more free and open style of dress for most students. I propose a new motto for the school: “Strut your stuff!” Ah, high school, the absolute best place to learn about justice.
(Note: the motto only applies to girls who do not have large chests)